… coming to a bathroom near you.
“There are eight million stories in the naked city; this has been one of them.”
Nancy Fowler Marcher, Alias: The Fifty Foot Manned-Woman
Nancy was in turmoil because everyone publically knew her business, even the news would report on her choice of bathroom.
Narrator: “It seems Ms. Marcher was always having some type of drama going on. She was tormented about which bathroom to use. Her face was always gripped in some emotional state. The only time this wasn’t true was when she was sedated with therapy.”
Doctor Flushing: “I’ve known Nancy since she was born. Those days she was a beautiful child. Fresh, young, full of the joys of life. But in the last few years, after her coming out, she changed. Her health seemed to rise and fall with the tide of her emotions.”
Nurse Fess: “A very sad case. A case not infrequent in this super ego age we live in.”
Doctor Flushing: “I’m afraid I was unwise in advising her about the different plumbing available.”
Nurse Fess: “Who knows, doctor? She’ll go to the bathroom one way or the other. Time is on our side.”
Doctor Flushing: “When kids reach the age of maturity, mother nature sometimes overworks their frustrations to the point of irrationalism.”
Mr. Harry Marcher (Nancy’s dad): “What made my Jim grow like that? “
Doctor Flushing: Besides the psychological instability which has led to the bathroom fixation…I don’t know. I sent her, err, I mean him, to a specialist – Dr. Victor Lowdown.
Mr. Harry Marcher: “Dr. Lowdown, you mentioned that Jim began growing like that when he got angry. Clearly it is stress related. And, your blood tests show that his confusion levels are abnormally high.”
Dr. Victor Lowdown: “Yah. A high confusion level in the blood stream has a way of growing things way out of proportion.”
Mr. Harry Marcher: “Congratulations, Doctor. Now you’ve confused me.”
Nancy Marcher: “The world is my doll house, Dr. Flushing.”
Nancy Marcher: “Dr. Lowdown, I’m not saying the old Jim isn’t there. I can still hear him inside me, stumbling in the dark, always lifting the seat, always apologizing. But less and less. Less and less.
Airman #1: “It doesn’t seem right to fire an air-to-ground missile at a woman.”
Airman #2: “No woman will be harmed. A few sacred cows will be, though. Think of your target as a man marking out his territory in the ladies room. That’s what I do.”
Nancy Marcher: “I’m going to pop your heads like a Concord grape!”
Narrator: Nancy’s booming voice never changed. It could be heard echoing in women’s bathrooms, locker rooms and showers across the naked city. As the 50 Foot Manned-Woman, Nancy was aloof and aggressive, always pissing on the ones she wanted revenge on.
Coming to a theater near you!
The Attack of the Safe Spaces